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My Pity Party.

August 25, 2010

 Hey Jer,

Got your email yesterday. Yes, I will email you the hi-res images of the remaining Dentist and The Toothfairy artwork. Let me know which of my collages survived, because I also have pictures of all of those. Which ones didn’t make it? I’m kinda bummed I don’t have at least one as evidence that I dabbled in art…oh well.

Having a big show at Cella Gallery this coming sept 18th, you definately gonna have to go see it. It will be magnificent. I am talking to them tonight to tune up stuff for the exhibit and i will ask them if you could drop off some books.

That is awesome! Thanks for giving her my number again, although I still think she has a bunch of books. Unless she sold them and didn’t tell me about it…we’ll sort it out.

As far as what’s been going on with me and Lila, well, I’ve had a shitty few weeks. First of all, Lila is like 3 pages from being done. I really just have to write the last few end scenes and the first draft will be complete. I took some time to map the story out again because I realized my original outline was a bit weak. I even got hubbie involved because I had some serious blocks about how the story should unravel, and actually even the premise. So it’s all sorted out now. Though it’s been hard to find the motivation to finish.

Business has been really slow this year, and I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I probably need a job. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this whole independent contractor lifestyle, and I feel I’ve kinda failed as a publisher, maybe even a writer. I mean, I know my writing is good, but I’ve failed in the sense of being able to sell it, being able to get people excited about it. I feel like everything I’ve done is somehow wrong, or not good enough, or behind the curve.

Yesterday I found myself at a ghetto casting agency asking about being an “extra” for $60/day, and realized, I’ve hit a new low. And I have no desire to act. I suppose if I was “discovered” and someone gave me a lot of money to do whatever in front of the camera (except porn, still don’t think I have it in me to do porn…) I would take it, but aside from that, I’m a writer, not an actor.

I feel burned out, tired, broke, uninspired, and bored. I’m feeding the goldfish we’re pet sitting watermelon, and thinking about setting him free…

And I’m hoping my pity party will end soon.

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